He changed for the flt already.
I dunno whether to feel happy. No matter what i'd rather him than the indian gs but still..
I dunno whether to pretend like nothing happened and just enjoy while it lasts like Mel said. But i'm afraid the last night i'll break down. I definitely will. So if it's all coming to the same end then should be happy instead of ignoring or pretending i dunno him right?
Another reason why i still want you to do the flt with me is that... U remember u promised to go Disney with me? I've never made you nor have u promised me anything. So i hope you keep ur word. Then we'll really not owe each other anything anymore. ='( So i won't have any more reason to bother you.
These 2 days.. my rain keep rationalizing what's gonna happen. A part of me knows this is part of the package and there's really nothing i can do about it. That part of me don't wanna make things difficult for him. Nor do I wanna spoil his day. The other side of me just keeps crying.
I thought bout how the dinner would be like. I wanted to ask where it'll be held but.. I don't dare. I'm giving away my off days for a flight. Any flight.. so that I don't have to be around. I don't wanna be in sg at all.
Baby.. despite everything i still love you. I'm sorrie if ive caused you any pain in the process. I... dunno what to say but that everything is a by-product of my love for you. I keep reminding myself that we both said and agreed... that if ever any 1 party wants to leave.. There' really nothing the other person can do.
It's as if we're at a cross-junction now. If you wanna end this right now.. I'll just have to live with it. It's like a limit for me. If i continue to push this I dunno when it'll end. And i dunno how much i can take or when i'll go mad. And despite everything.. i still love you. And i can't imagine my life without you.
Show me what i should do....
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Is this The End?
He offered to send me to work yesterday. I didn't want him to travel up and down esp since he got called up for cgk. But i really wanted to see him even for 10 mins. Looking back.. i wondered would it e better if i didn't. It would even be better if i didn't stubbornly wanna do the sq28 tog. None of this would have happened.
I kept wondering why he has studio appt. Initially i thought maybe it was the photo shoot the other time or sthg. But it was sthg worse.. He said his dinner is on the 14th, before Hawaii. My heart literally stopped.
I started fumbling in my bag for sthg to do. Trying fucking hard not to cry. He kept trying to talk to me until i finally snapped. Tears just started rolling down. Kept trying to calm myself cos i still have to do the bkk but i just can't. Finally i stopped crying long enough to step out of the car.
I reached the toilet and dried my tears. Touched up and went into Control. All the while.. my brain was in a whirlwind. The only thought in my mind now was: What should I do now? What should I do with myself? After checking in i couldn't stop the tears and had to run to the toilet again. There i sobbed to Mel for bout 5 mins then i had to go into the briefing room.
As i intro myself i know everyone was staring at my red eyes. It's a link flt so i was afraid of the repercussions. But i just couldn't smile much. Anyhow.. the flt went quite smoothly. I was C3 and my LS even commented my work was good. Basically I feel damn proud of myself for not breaking down or screwing things up. Still.. i knew it was too smooth to be true. I left my sandals onboard. Sigh... the only consolation is at least it's not my safety shoes.
When i got back.. I just hid in the toilet and started crying again. Supposed to meet Joon at DF but i didn't even feel like drinking. Eventually I went.. Mel and Yingying accompanied me. They both drank till damn high but as usual the one who needs to be drunk didn't.
Now.. I dunno what to say.. dunno wat to do. I'm very vexed cos.. I drew a line for myself. If ever the day he starts to hold his dinner, get the keys to his house I would have to let go. No choice right? I don't wanna see him having kids and all too. But time after time i kept pushing that limit. Time after time i kept deluding myself.. don't wanna ask anything, don't wanna know anything that will make me sad.
Honestly if u ask me how much I know about him? I don't. I frankly dunno much out him.. I don't interact enough with him to know his character, his habits and such. But i trust my intuition. He remains the one guy that i'd feel happy seeing no matter when, where or how. And he's still the only one that i've said I love for the past 4 yrs. It means a lot to me.
But now.. like he kept saying there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I asked him what should i do. He said just do whatever that won't hurt me. Either way i'll feel hurt right? The most amazing thing is that... It's as if my brain is telling me to stop all this before someone or myself gets really hurt. But my heart is convincing my brain that i love him enough to put up with all these. That i was just shocked and it was too sudden.
It's true in a sense.. He kept asking if i'm angry. There's nothing to be angry about. I should have expected it. Just that i was really shocked. Really really shocked. I kept wondering where will his dinner be held.. Who did he invite.. When did he give out the invitations.. How would he look. I totally blocked out the bride.
I know that if i just grit my teeth and leave him.. 1 year down the road it won't hurt as much. I'd have moved on. Maybe I'll still be waiting.. But he's not with me anymore. He says he still wants to be with me but he don't wanna see me so hurt. And u know what? I believe him.
All along i really trust him. When he says he's been good, when he says he doesn't have someone else. Don't ask me why.. But everytime he finds time to squeeze in a msg for me i'm happy. Even if i can't reply, i appreciate it. But sometimes when i really miss or need him and he's not there, that's when i start throwing tantrums again. But i know deep down.. Btwn me and his wife.. there's no fight really.
Now my question is: I really do love him a lot. Can i contend with being a lover and sharing him? Frankly i cannot bring myself to leave him or even forget him. Which is why i can't be with someone else. But i'm scared what will happen next. I'm scared i'll really go crazy 1 day and do things that i usually won't.
He asked me do I still want him to do the sq28. Honestly i'm torn. I would love to spend 8 days with him. But it's too cruel knowing his events after the flt. I still want him to do it with me.. even for the last time. Even if i have to ignore him.. Even if we pretend not to know each other. Now i strongly believe in destiny.. I was wondering.. We started with sq28.. Would we end with it too? I think i found my answer. Or rather the answer found me.
I kept wondering why he has studio appt. Initially i thought maybe it was the photo shoot the other time or sthg. But it was sthg worse.. He said his dinner is on the 14th, before Hawaii. My heart literally stopped.
I started fumbling in my bag for sthg to do. Trying fucking hard not to cry. He kept trying to talk to me until i finally snapped. Tears just started rolling down. Kept trying to calm myself cos i still have to do the bkk but i just can't. Finally i stopped crying long enough to step out of the car.
I reached the toilet and dried my tears. Touched up and went into Control. All the while.. my brain was in a whirlwind. The only thought in my mind now was: What should I do now? What should I do with myself? After checking in i couldn't stop the tears and had to run to the toilet again. There i sobbed to Mel for bout 5 mins then i had to go into the briefing room.
As i intro myself i know everyone was staring at my red eyes. It's a link flt so i was afraid of the repercussions. But i just couldn't smile much. Anyhow.. the flt went quite smoothly. I was C3 and my LS even commented my work was good. Basically I feel damn proud of myself for not breaking down or screwing things up. Still.. i knew it was too smooth to be true. I left my sandals onboard. Sigh... the only consolation is at least it's not my safety shoes.
When i got back.. I just hid in the toilet and started crying again. Supposed to meet Joon at DF but i didn't even feel like drinking. Eventually I went.. Mel and Yingying accompanied me. They both drank till damn high but as usual the one who needs to be drunk didn't.
Now.. I dunno what to say.. dunno wat to do. I'm very vexed cos.. I drew a line for myself. If ever the day he starts to hold his dinner, get the keys to his house I would have to let go. No choice right? I don't wanna see him having kids and all too. But time after time i kept pushing that limit. Time after time i kept deluding myself.. don't wanna ask anything, don't wanna know anything that will make me sad.
Honestly if u ask me how much I know about him? I don't. I frankly dunno much out him.. I don't interact enough with him to know his character, his habits and such. But i trust my intuition. He remains the one guy that i'd feel happy seeing no matter when, where or how. And he's still the only one that i've said I love for the past 4 yrs. It means a lot to me.
But now.. like he kept saying there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I asked him what should i do. He said just do whatever that won't hurt me. Either way i'll feel hurt right? The most amazing thing is that... It's as if my brain is telling me to stop all this before someone or myself gets really hurt. But my heart is convincing my brain that i love him enough to put up with all these. That i was just shocked and it was too sudden.
It's true in a sense.. He kept asking if i'm angry. There's nothing to be angry about. I should have expected it. Just that i was really shocked. Really really shocked. I kept wondering where will his dinner be held.. Who did he invite.. When did he give out the invitations.. How would he look. I totally blocked out the bride.
I know that if i just grit my teeth and leave him.. 1 year down the road it won't hurt as much. I'd have moved on. Maybe I'll still be waiting.. But he's not with me anymore. He says he still wants to be with me but he don't wanna see me so hurt. And u know what? I believe him.
All along i really trust him. When he says he's been good, when he says he doesn't have someone else. Don't ask me why.. But everytime he finds time to squeeze in a msg for me i'm happy. Even if i can't reply, i appreciate it. But sometimes when i really miss or need him and he's not there, that's when i start throwing tantrums again. But i know deep down.. Btwn me and his wife.. there's no fight really.
Now my question is: I really do love him a lot. Can i contend with being a lover and sharing him? Frankly i cannot bring myself to leave him or even forget him. Which is why i can't be with someone else. But i'm scared what will happen next. I'm scared i'll really go crazy 1 day and do things that i usually won't.
He asked me do I still want him to do the sq28. Honestly i'm torn. I would love to spend 8 days with him. But it's too cruel knowing his events after the flt. I still want him to do it with me.. even for the last time. Even if i have to ignore him.. Even if we pretend not to know each other. Now i strongly believe in destiny.. I was wondering.. We started with sq28.. Would we end with it too? I think i found my answer. Or rather the answer found me.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Destined
He just called. And said he got wedding dinner and studio appt on the 5th.
What can I say?
So i told him to reject the cof i'll talk to the gs. I just feel empty. Like everything got sucked out of me. The jubilance of finally doing flt together.. the excitement of doing sq28 again. Sometimes i wonder...
I know it's difficult for him. And i know he appreciates what i'm doing. But it doesn't change the fact that it's always about choices. Between me and her. Between me and the rest of his life.
It's quite a straightforward and logical choice. Isn't it?
=(
Edited to add: I realised... Who am i kidding? He made his choice long ago. I just thought too highly of myself. Either that or i'm living in my own world. As usual...
What can I say?
So i told him to reject the cof i'll talk to the gs. I just feel empty. Like everything got sucked out of me. The jubilance of finally doing flt together.. the excitement of doing sq28 again. Sometimes i wonder...
I know it's difficult for him. And i know he appreciates what i'm doing. But it doesn't change the fact that it's always about choices. Between me and her. Between me and the rest of his life.
It's quite a straightforward and logical choice. Isn't it?
=(
Edited to add: I realised... Who am i kidding? He made his choice long ago. I just thought too highly of myself. Either that or i'm living in my own world. As usual...
SQ28
I did it!!
I got the best pattern for sq28. Finally just bit the bullet and 'you-know' max. Suffice to say that i'm doing the flt for free. And i gave away 6 off days.. Baby is so gonna scold me but dunno.. just feel relieved.
And very happy. I don't care bout the money. I get to spend 8 whole days with Baby. It's worth it. =) Even though i'll be working 16 days in a row. I just hope the COFs go through. Cross your fingers for me!!!
I met baby 5 months ago on the worst sq28 pattern right after i did the best one. So.. sq28 holds a lot of significance to me. And brings back a lot of memories. Funnily enough I never did tpe again after meeting Baby. Never got rostered for it again. Feel happy just thinking bout it... Furthermore sq28 stops this month. So i really wanna do it again but only with baby.
I hope everything goes well!!!!
I got the best pattern for sq28. Finally just bit the bullet and 'you-know' max. Suffice to say that i'm doing the flt for free. And i gave away 6 off days.. Baby is so gonna scold me but dunno.. just feel relieved.
And very happy. I don't care bout the money. I get to spend 8 whole days with Baby. It's worth it. =) Even though i'll be working 16 days in a row. I just hope the COFs go through. Cross your fingers for me!!!
I met baby 5 months ago on the worst sq28 pattern right after i did the best one. So.. sq28 holds a lot of significance to me. And brings back a lot of memories. Funnily enough I never did tpe again after meeting Baby. Never got rostered for it again. Feel happy just thinking bout it... Furthermore sq28 stops this month. So i really wanna do it again but only with baby.
I hope everything goes well!!!!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Exhausted
Just as i posted my last post... He smsed me. Asked me not to go mahjong or party only can go supper. All of a sudden i feel really exhausted. Maybe its fatigue or lack of restful sleep or... I dunno.
I feel really tired. Yesterday something srtuck me. We as Singaporeans are never really specific when we speak in mandarin. Yesterday my massaue (spelling??) said: Ni hen kun le (You look sleepy) and i replied yeah i'm tired (lei). Seem like we use 'lei' for everything.
But yeah back to topic.. I'm really tired. Tired of trying so hard, tired of always waiting. Waiting for a call, sms, waiting for you to squeeze time for me. Waiting for pple to reply me for cof, waiting... just waiting.
Come to a point whereby i just wanna throw up my hands and say i give up. But i know the next minute.. the next second as long as u call me or talk to me or pacify me then i'll be willing to let it go and try again.
I really don't wish to be the one being abandoned at the very end. ='(
I feel really tired. Yesterday something srtuck me. We as Singaporeans are never really specific when we speak in mandarin. Yesterday my massaue (spelling??) said: Ni hen kun le (You look sleepy) and i replied yeah i'm tired (lei). Seem like we use 'lei' for everything.
But yeah back to topic.. I'm really tired. Tired of trying so hard, tired of always waiting. Waiting for a call, sms, waiting for you to squeeze time for me. Waiting for pple to reply me for cof, waiting... just waiting.
Come to a point whereby i just wanna throw up my hands and say i give up. But i know the next minute.. the next second as long as u call me or talk to me or pacify me then i'll be willing to let it go and try again.
I really don't wish to be the one being abandoned at the very end. ='(
COF
I'm so angry, frustrated and tired over COFs. I hate changing flts nowadays.
I only agreed to give away my sq12 and work 8 days in a row cos it gives me 6 days off after that. I thought it's give me a very good chance to change for whatever flt i want with baby. Sigh... Fat chance.
Nowadays people are so money-minded. And greedy.. Imagine i give away 6 days off still have to.... u know. Can't say much also here. Am just very depressed. I sent more than a hundred smses in sg and outstation but till now i still can't get any reasonable flt.
I'm so tired.. Gotta wakey in another 10 hrs for flt again. And i haven't even showered. I reached home and just parked myself in front of the comp on the COF board. =(
I was just thinking.. Why is it so easy for others? Maybe it's not but it seems easy. Maybe it's a sign. God's will.. I dunno. I feel as if i haven't seen u for a very long time. Haven't had a conversation with you for so long. In fact.. i can't remember when was the last time we took a walk along the beach.. or played tennis.. or did anything other than just lunch.
I'm very scared cos.. all the things i dread are coming true one by one. Wedding photos.. Honeymoon... Next will be the Dinner and then your house and... I don't wanna think anymore. ='(
Shower time.
I only agreed to give away my sq12 and work 8 days in a row cos it gives me 6 days off after that. I thought it's give me a very good chance to change for whatever flt i want with baby. Sigh... Fat chance.
Nowadays people are so money-minded. And greedy.. Imagine i give away 6 days off still have to.... u know. Can't say much also here. Am just very depressed. I sent more than a hundred smses in sg and outstation but till now i still can't get any reasonable flt.
I'm so tired.. Gotta wakey in another 10 hrs for flt again. And i haven't even showered. I reached home and just parked myself in front of the comp on the COF board. =(
I was just thinking.. Why is it so easy for others? Maybe it's not but it seems easy. Maybe it's a sign. God's will.. I dunno. I feel as if i haven't seen u for a very long time. Haven't had a conversation with you for so long. In fact.. i can't remember when was the last time we took a walk along the beach.. or played tennis.. or did anything other than just lunch.
I'm very scared cos.. all the things i dread are coming true one by one. Wedding photos.. Honeymoon... Next will be the Dinner and then your house and... I don't wanna think anymore. ='(
Shower time.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Hawaii
I've always wanted to go there on my honeymoon. Since i was a little girl i always imagine tanned people with straw skirts and the beaches and how i'd like to go or pick up surfing there. Just lazing on the beach with my huge shades and pina colada and of cos my beloved new hubby.
Now.. yeah my beloved is going to Hawaii but he's not my hubby and well he's not going with me. And he's on matrimonial leave. My heart chilled when i heard his holiday plans. He said he didn't wanna tell me cos I'd be angry. I'm not angry. Just that my heart is bleeding.
I seriously dunno how much more i can take.
='(
Now.. yeah my beloved is going to Hawaii but he's not my hubby and well he's not going with me. And he's on matrimonial leave. My heart chilled when i heard his holiday plans. He said he didn't wanna tell me cos I'd be angry. I'm not angry. Just that my heart is bleeding.
I seriously dunno how much more i can take.
='(
Third Party
I guess it's only recently that I've begun to fully appreciate the true meaning of the word. Call me warped or misguided or whatever u wanna say but.. i'm beginning to feel that.. there's a lot of strength and resolve in this category of women.
I'm not referring to those vile home-breakers or shit-stirrers and such but... just those that are unfortunate enough to fall for a married man and yet stay true to their love and thus spend huge quantities of their time waiting, alone.
I always remember this show that I'd watch and watch every time i come across it. Even though i've watched it for many many times. It's by Leung Kar Fai and Anita Yuen. I think the title is Nian Nian You Jin Ri. The story goes that they met by chance on a small island off HKG and were stranded. So things happened as they shared the only room available for the night. He went back to his wife and kid and she subsequently got married too. But they still meet at the same place every year. It went on for more than 50 years but they were both committed to their partners and neither felt it right to leave. More so for the guy actually. Eventually the guy's wife died and he finally asked her to marry him.
There're a lot of things that i chose not to see, not to ask, not to hear. Chris always said that i'm very good at deluding myself. Becos i know that if i see, i ask and i hear, i'll be unhappy. You'll be put in a spot and that's not what i want. I want you to be happy. So by not pressurizing you i hope u're happy.
But i realise it's not possible. Cos stress comes from within yourself too. Whether you know or acknowledge it or not. Increasingly.. as i read through our msgs.. it's always the usual i-miss-yous, have-you-been-good etc msgs. There's no... life in it. It doesn't speak of my life, my worries, my happiness, nor yours.
And when i open my eyes and listen, i realise that your life goes on. Even with me now and i assume even without me later on. U still find time to meet your friends, things still happen. And at times like these i wish i were just a normal friend. I think i'd know u better. You as a person and your life.
That's why i think serious third parties are strong. Becos u only live.. when the other person has time for you. Other than that... you're merely existing. Waiting for the next opportunity when you can feel alive again.
By some chance i was on friendster, which i haven't been for ages, and thought to look at your profile and pics. It's restricted to friends only. I don't even know if you're on mine or vice versa. Then i just had this want to look at hers. So i searched. When i saw the 'My little prince photo' my heart started beating very fast. When it reached the 'my 2 dearest men' i think my heart stopped.
The whole night my imagination went wild. Why is it that on the other pic she just stated it's her niece.. so it can't be her newphew rite? She would have just said so? It's can't be yours cos u've never mentioned it, only ur nieces. It was horrifying even to consider the possibility that it's your son. It was such a bone-chilling thought. In fact i was so bothered that i can't sleep now and went to look at the pic again. The date says 2006, which apparantly u weren't even married yet so.. i highly doubt it's your son.... rite?
I really dunno. It's just that.. How do i start describing how i feel? It's as if i belong to another little world in the huge world of yours. Like after you've done your duty as a son, a husband and a friend then you'll come to me. And becos the conditions under which we can meet are difficult, i always imagine u try to meet me EVERY chance u get. Which might not the the reality.
Looking at the photos just now and reading the captions, you have really gone through a lot with her. I mean.. it's quite a lot of time and memories. Something which i will never have the chance to do. Create similar memories.. And as i keep looking at them.. a part of me tells me that.. no matter how much i love you.. i bet she does too. And i'm sure she was with you every step of the way... in your life for the past years... which made you decide to marry her. And.. i think 'us' will be devastating news... which i feel would be unbearable to any woman. So i'm really confused now.
I know eventually i don't have a choice. I know everyone will say i can choose to leave.. including you. But that's not a real choice. It's like telling the pax you can choose to eat this or don't eat. Maybe i don't have to do anything at all.. Maybe u'll choose to leave.. Maybe you'll get tired of me.. Maybe i'll get tired of trying..
Maybe.
I'm not referring to those vile home-breakers or shit-stirrers and such but... just those that are unfortunate enough to fall for a married man and yet stay true to their love and thus spend huge quantities of their time waiting, alone.
I always remember this show that I'd watch and watch every time i come across it. Even though i've watched it for many many times. It's by Leung Kar Fai and Anita Yuen. I think the title is Nian Nian You Jin Ri. The story goes that they met by chance on a small island off HKG and were stranded. So things happened as they shared the only room available for the night. He went back to his wife and kid and she subsequently got married too. But they still meet at the same place every year. It went on for more than 50 years but they were both committed to their partners and neither felt it right to leave. More so for the guy actually. Eventually the guy's wife died and he finally asked her to marry him.
There're a lot of things that i chose not to see, not to ask, not to hear. Chris always said that i'm very good at deluding myself. Becos i know that if i see, i ask and i hear, i'll be unhappy. You'll be put in a spot and that's not what i want. I want you to be happy. So by not pressurizing you i hope u're happy.
But i realise it's not possible. Cos stress comes from within yourself too. Whether you know or acknowledge it or not. Increasingly.. as i read through our msgs.. it's always the usual i-miss-yous, have-you-been-good etc msgs. There's no... life in it. It doesn't speak of my life, my worries, my happiness, nor yours.
And when i open my eyes and listen, i realise that your life goes on. Even with me now and i assume even without me later on. U still find time to meet your friends, things still happen. And at times like these i wish i were just a normal friend. I think i'd know u better. You as a person and your life.
That's why i think serious third parties are strong. Becos u only live.. when the other person has time for you. Other than that... you're merely existing. Waiting for the next opportunity when you can feel alive again.
By some chance i was on friendster, which i haven't been for ages, and thought to look at your profile and pics. It's restricted to friends only. I don't even know if you're on mine or vice versa. Then i just had this want to look at hers. So i searched. When i saw the 'My little prince photo' my heart started beating very fast. When it reached the 'my 2 dearest men' i think my heart stopped.
The whole night my imagination went wild. Why is it that on the other pic she just stated it's her niece.. so it can't be her newphew rite? She would have just said so? It's can't be yours cos u've never mentioned it, only ur nieces. It was horrifying even to consider the possibility that it's your son. It was such a bone-chilling thought. In fact i was so bothered that i can't sleep now and went to look at the pic again. The date says 2006, which apparantly u weren't even married yet so.. i highly doubt it's your son.... rite?
I really dunno. It's just that.. How do i start describing how i feel? It's as if i belong to another little world in the huge world of yours. Like after you've done your duty as a son, a husband and a friend then you'll come to me. And becos the conditions under which we can meet are difficult, i always imagine u try to meet me EVERY chance u get. Which might not the the reality.
Looking at the photos just now and reading the captions, you have really gone through a lot with her. I mean.. it's quite a lot of time and memories. Something which i will never have the chance to do. Create similar memories.. And as i keep looking at them.. a part of me tells me that.. no matter how much i love you.. i bet she does too. And i'm sure she was with you every step of the way... in your life for the past years... which made you decide to marry her. And.. i think 'us' will be devastating news... which i feel would be unbearable to any woman. So i'm really confused now.
I know eventually i don't have a choice. I know everyone will say i can choose to leave.. including you. But that's not a real choice. It's like telling the pax you can choose to eat this or don't eat. Maybe i don't have to do anything at all.. Maybe u'll choose to leave.. Maybe you'll get tired of me.. Maybe i'll get tired of trying..
Maybe.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Prawning!
I finally went prawning!! With melody and shyan. After 3 hours and 90 ucks, we caught a grand total of 37 prawns wahahaha. Then we bbq them on the spot!
It was pouring the whole day! And i thought that it'll be a sunny day since it rained cats and dogs yesterday. We were so funnie trying to balance the rod, an umbrella each and trying to hook the bait. Pictures in Shyan's camera so have to wait.
Well he tried to pass me pics from BKK too but my Eee PC has too little capacity.
.JPG)
On the BTS to Siam Paragon
Greedy me and my cheesecake at this atas cafe L'Oriental
On the escalator where Melvin was trying out the lighting
It was pouring the whole day! And i thought that it'll be a sunny day since it rained cats and dogs yesterday. We were so funnie trying to balance the rod, an umbrella each and trying to hook the bait. Pictures in Shyan's camera so have to wait.
Well he tried to pass me pics from BKK too but my Eee PC has too little capacity.
.JPG)
On the BTS to Siam Paragon
Greedy me and my cheesecake at this atas cafe L'Oriental
On the escalator where Melvin was trying out the lighting
Sinema Old School
I watched 3 movies last night. Well technically 2 short films at Sinema and Cyborg She. Shyan booked the tix and it was my first time there. It looks so creepy! Apparantly it used to be a school.. It's behind The Cathay and well shyan's aunt used to teach thre and she said it's haunted.
Anyway the short films were quite disturbing. Not the really thought-provoking kind of disturbing. Being a Lit student some plays really do make you ponder but some just... well they shock but there's no rhyme or reason behind it. It's just a bizzare twist and you get this uncomfy feeling you just can't shake off.
But well it was a nice change and the seats were comfy. ut i think it was meant to be just n auditorium so the sound absorbers or whatever it's called are not in place so there're still revebrations or sthg.
Yay am mtg my aiai later. Shyan tagging along.. We're gg prawning! Wahaha... Dunno if i'll love or hate it. I've never fished b4 in my life! =p Haven't seen Melody in a while.. so it's gonna be fun!
Well.. i think Shyan's been hanging around me a little too much. Am starting to get the cornered kinda feeling again. :( I mean he's nice and i think he'll back off if i ask him to but then he'll feel hurt. Sigh... But i did say i'm not ready. I dunno...
And Baby's been a little distant.. I dunno if it's just my imagination. I hate it esp when he does 345 flts. He'll just... disappear. And now apparantly he has 2 blocks of leave when he told me just 1 in Dec and he's gg climbing. Okie so you have your own life and your own plans and somehow it doesn't include me. So i just have to stay out and off i guess sigh... Maybe it's better this way.. :(
Am rostered for 345 training end Sept. Dunno whether to be happy.. I used to really look forward to it but now.. I'm trained for jcl only recently. Still blur and unsure and now 345. Sigh... Well just takes time i guess.. But i hate the incompetent feeling and looks i get.
Gotta go prep.
Anyway the short films were quite disturbing. Not the really thought-provoking kind of disturbing. Being a Lit student some plays really do make you ponder but some just... well they shock but there's no rhyme or reason behind it. It's just a bizzare twist and you get this uncomfy feeling you just can't shake off.
But well it was a nice change and the seats were comfy. ut i think it was meant to be just n auditorium so the sound absorbers or whatever it's called are not in place so there're still revebrations or sthg.
Yay am mtg my aiai later. Shyan tagging along.. We're gg prawning! Wahaha... Dunno if i'll love or hate it. I've never fished b4 in my life! =p Haven't seen Melody in a while.. so it's gonna be fun!
Well.. i think Shyan's been hanging around me a little too much. Am starting to get the cornered kinda feeling again. :( I mean he's nice and i think he'll back off if i ask him to but then he'll feel hurt. Sigh... But i did say i'm not ready. I dunno...
And Baby's been a little distant.. I dunno if it's just my imagination. I hate it esp when he does 345 flts. He'll just... disappear. And now apparantly he has 2 blocks of leave when he told me just 1 in Dec and he's gg climbing. Okie so you have your own life and your own plans and somehow it doesn't include me. So i just have to stay out and off i guess sigh... Maybe it's better this way.. :(
Am rostered for 345 training end Sept. Dunno whether to be happy.. I used to really look forward to it but now.. I'm trained for jcl only recently. Still blur and unsure and now 345. Sigh... Well just takes time i guess.. But i hate the incompetent feeling and looks i get.
Gotta go prep.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wishes
I realised that everyone's happy birthday message to me hopes that my wishes will be fulfilled.
But i haven't made my wish (apart from the one for kristy). I dunno what to wish for. Happiness? The one thing that would make me very happy would make someone and others who love her very sad. Wish for money? But money can't buy happiness..
I know Ryan will say wish for wisdom. Then i can rise above all this unnecessary trouble, hurt and headaches.
As if.
But i haven't made my wish (apart from the one for kristy). I dunno what to wish for. Happiness? The one thing that would make me very happy would make someone and others who love her very sad. Wish for money? But money can't buy happiness..
I know Ryan will say wish for wisdom. Then i can rise above all this unnecessary trouble, hurt and headaches.
As if.
My Birthday
Well.. things got quite bad. Irene last min say not feeling well, no energy and Denise kept asking me to change to another day. I was pretty pissed. If it's just drinking then fine any day would do. But if it's my birthday how to change??
On top of that I had to go for dinner and movie with Mark cos i felt bad i asked him to get DENISE's stuff the other time. And i don't like to make use of people. But the incident really made me wonder... Sometimes you treat certain friends very nice cos u feel they have priority in your life. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the same for them. You might just be a convenient friend to have to them.
Then cos I complained to Shyan and he didn't want me to be unhappy he planned a surprise for me at ECP. In a short span of 3 hrs! And he roped in Eric and Melvin to help. I was very touched and I know he owes them big time. He even called Melody and Trillia and offered to pick them up and send them home if they come and pay for their cab ride this morning cos they have to work.
At times like that I know he can be the one. The one who'll be there for me and take all my nonsense and take care of me. But...
The whole evening and night... I kept looking at my hp. You didn't even msg me when u landed. You said u didn't have the chance to. I'm sure chances can be created but... Well it was a decision. You keep asking if i'm unhappy nowadays. I dunno if i'm unhappy. Cos i dunno how it feels like anymore.
It seems like i've accepted everything. The waiting.. the disappointments.. It almost seems normal to me now. From the moment u got called up for syd.. I pushed away all dinner dates and meet-ups.. unless i'm sure you can't/won't/don't wanna meet me. Just like today... I have absolutely nothing on now. But when i asked if u're gonna meet me and u say she's ending early. Then i know... yeah.. Either i make my plans now or stay home.
By now if u dunno that i'd make an effort and meet u even for half an hour... If u still cannot see that then i'm very sad. Yes i'm upset when u have to go. But i'd rather see u than not at all. Is it that difficult to understand? Would it make u happier if i'm not upset that u have to go? I just wanted to see you. A hug, a kiss, a happy birthday from you.
So on my special day.. i've been crying since 9am. My heart feels like someone keeps stabbing it continually. And my tears just keep rolling.
Happy birthday to me.
Edited to add: Baby came to look for me with chicken rice, bubble tea and flowers. Although he stayed less than 1 hr with me i'm happy already. And he looks so tired. Sigh... I love you baby. Miss you already...
Oh and clumsy me stained my already-not-white LV wallet with the pink solution from the flowers. So now there's a patch of pink on my white wallet. Well done. Arghhhhhhh
On top of that I had to go for dinner and movie with Mark cos i felt bad i asked him to get DENISE's stuff the other time. And i don't like to make use of people. But the incident really made me wonder... Sometimes you treat certain friends very nice cos u feel they have priority in your life. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the same for them. You might just be a convenient friend to have to them.
Then cos I complained to Shyan and he didn't want me to be unhappy he planned a surprise for me at ECP. In a short span of 3 hrs! And he roped in Eric and Melvin to help. I was very touched and I know he owes them big time. He even called Melody and Trillia and offered to pick them up and send them home if they come and pay for their cab ride this morning cos they have to work.
At times like that I know he can be the one. The one who'll be there for me and take all my nonsense and take care of me. But...
The whole evening and night... I kept looking at my hp. You didn't even msg me when u landed. You said u didn't have the chance to. I'm sure chances can be created but... Well it was a decision. You keep asking if i'm unhappy nowadays. I dunno if i'm unhappy. Cos i dunno how it feels like anymore.
It seems like i've accepted everything. The waiting.. the disappointments.. It almost seems normal to me now. From the moment u got called up for syd.. I pushed away all dinner dates and meet-ups.. unless i'm sure you can't/won't/don't wanna meet me. Just like today... I have absolutely nothing on now. But when i asked if u're gonna meet me and u say she's ending early. Then i know... yeah.. Either i make my plans now or stay home.
By now if u dunno that i'd make an effort and meet u even for half an hour... If u still cannot see that then i'm very sad. Yes i'm upset when u have to go. But i'd rather see u than not at all. Is it that difficult to understand? Would it make u happier if i'm not upset that u have to go? I just wanted to see you. A hug, a kiss, a happy birthday from you.
So on my special day.. i've been crying since 9am. My heart feels like someone keeps stabbing it continually. And my tears just keep rolling.
Happy birthday to me.
Edited to add: Baby came to look for me with chicken rice, bubble tea and flowers. Although he stayed less than 1 hr with me i'm happy already. And he looks so tired. Sigh... I love you baby. Miss you already...
Oh and clumsy me stained my already-not-white LV wallet with the pink solution from the flowers. So now there's a patch of pink on my white wallet. Well done. Arghhhhhhh
Monday, August 18, 2008
古巨基 & 梁静茹 - 还是好朋友
Some things resurfaced before and after my BKK trip. Things that I didn't and still don't wanna face. I wonder why.. I wonder why is it after everything, after all the tears and quarrels and angry stares andb hurtful words... Why do they want me back? Why didn't they remember during those crucial times... that they love me?
I chanced upon this mtv on youtube. Found the lyrics really meaningful but i couldn't find the song to post it here though. I just hope that someday I will be able to say it and not wait for it to be said to me...
没有人要内疚 没需要原宥
在十字街头 就相互保佑
那些体贴问候 那美丽镜头
没必要一分开就变成了诅咒
相爱这一场
可能是为了能拥有一个好朋友
还是好朋友 比爱人长久
不能牵的手按在心头
在最寂寞的关头 永远在左右
事过情迁后
（升华以后）升华眼泪后
思念是最漫长的享受
（漫长的享受）
那无痛的伤口 还带着温柔到白头
亲吻失去感受 火花烧到尽头
没有激情有感情
有另一种邂逅
相爱这一场
可能是为了能拥有一个好朋友
还是好朋友 比爱人长久
不能牵的手按在心头
在最寂寞的关头 永远在左右
事过情迁后（升华以后）升华眼泪后
思念是最漫长的享受（漫长的享受）
那无痛的伤口 还带着温柔到白头
（是什么叫你我 只配做一对好朋友）
If you're interested, this is the weblink: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWb2VPpWfRw
I chanced upon this mtv on youtube. Found the lyrics really meaningful but i couldn't find the song to post it here though. I just hope that someday I will be able to say it and not wait for it to be said to me...
没有人要内疚 没需要原宥
在十字街头 就相互保佑
那些体贴问候 那美丽镜头
没必要一分开就变成了诅咒
相爱这一场
可能是为了能拥有一个好朋友
还是好朋友 比爱人长久
不能牵的手按在心头
在最寂寞的关头 永远在左右
事过情迁后
（升华以后）升华眼泪后
思念是最漫长的享受
（漫长的享受）
那无痛的伤口 还带着温柔到白头
亲吻失去感受 火花烧到尽头
没有激情有感情
有另一种邂逅
相爱这一场
可能是为了能拥有一个好朋友
还是好朋友 比爱人长久
不能牵的手按在心头
在最寂寞的关头 永远在左右
事过情迁后（升华以后）升华眼泪后
思念是最漫长的享受（漫长的享受）
那无痛的伤口 还带着温柔到白头
（是什么叫你我 只配做一对好朋友）
If you're interested, this is the weblink: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWb2VPpWfRw
LHR and BKK
I'm back... Totally exhausted.
Well i didn't have time to blog bout my jcl solos. I guess my ifs was being nice by putting me in jcl for all 4 sectors. But sigh... maybe am just disappointed with myself for getting all worked up cos of the CS and then didn't really do my stuff very well.
On Friday evening we left for BKK. My first time! With Shyan, Melvin and Eric. The guys were nice.. always taking care of me and carrying my stuff etc. Somehow it didn't really interest me. We spent all of like 2 and 1/2 hrs in Chatuchak or JJ Market. Haha.. super fast right? And i only bought like 2 tees for my bro. It was simply too hot, messy and uncomfy.
Eventually we spent more time at Siam Paragon, Siam Discovery, Siam Centre and Central World than anywhere else! All in all i bought 2 tees, 3 shoebags and 1toiletry bag from Naraya and 3 bras from La Senza. Wahahaha... And i don't think i'll be heading back to BKK anytime soon. Why didn't i just follow their original plan and gone to HKG instead??? At least maybe i'll end up at Disney =p
On another note.. I just read Kristy's email. Sister i love you okie! Don't worry bout me misunderstanding or feeling hurt or whatever. U're more important. And i'm taking care of myself. At least i don't hurt myself anymore. Don't worry bout me. =0) I love you. Remember that. My birthday wish this year is for you to.........
I know you'd say cannot say it out loud or it won't come true. I didn't. So i hope it comes true. =0)
Well i didn't have time to blog bout my jcl solos. I guess my ifs was being nice by putting me in jcl for all 4 sectors. But sigh... maybe am just disappointed with myself for getting all worked up cos of the CS and then didn't really do my stuff very well.
On Friday evening we left for BKK. My first time! With Shyan, Melvin and Eric. The guys were nice.. always taking care of me and carrying my stuff etc. Somehow it didn't really interest me. We spent all of like 2 and 1/2 hrs in Chatuchak or JJ Market. Haha.. super fast right? And i only bought like 2 tees for my bro. It was simply too hot, messy and uncomfy.
Eventually we spent more time at Siam Paragon, Siam Discovery, Siam Centre and Central World than anywhere else! All in all i bought 2 tees, 3 shoebags and 1toiletry bag from Naraya and 3 bras from La Senza. Wahahaha... And i don't think i'll be heading back to BKK anytime soon. Why didn't i just follow their original plan and gone to HKG instead??? At least maybe i'll end up at Disney =p
On another note.. I just read Kristy's email. Sister i love you okie! Don't worry bout me misunderstanding or feeling hurt or whatever. U're more important. And i'm taking care of myself. At least i don't hurt myself anymore. Don't worry bout me. =0) I love you. Remember that. My birthday wish this year is for you to.........
I know you'd say cannot say it out loud or it won't come true. I didn't. So i hope it comes true. =0)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Butterflies in Stomach
Baby i so wanna hear your voice now or at least sms you but I now i shouldn't. So i shall msg you here...
Was writing the bar order pad just now and i tore up i dunno how many copies wahaha. Am super nervous bout tmrw. I dunno why but well i just want it to be smooth. My cgk crew wanted to slap me cos they said i'm ex crew what's there to be scared of but well i haven't worked jcl for quite some time you know..
I almost forgot to prepare all the stuff for jcl. Just done everything. Baby i'm sad bout Kristy and I'm sad u never sms me even since yest morning.. I know u're tired and u're prolly busy as well but... Dunno. Just wanna sa jiao. Cos u said when i get trained u'll change flt and help me along rite??? Booooooooooooooo.. Yeahyeah i know u can't help it.
Been waiting for ur call/sms the whole day. =0( Gotta wake up in 6 hrs. I better go sleep now or u'll scold me again. =0( Night baby...
Was writing the bar order pad just now and i tore up i dunno how many copies wahaha. Am super nervous bout tmrw. I dunno why but well i just want it to be smooth. My cgk crew wanted to slap me cos they said i'm ex crew what's there to be scared of but well i haven't worked jcl for quite some time you know..
I almost forgot to prepare all the stuff for jcl. Just done everything. Baby i'm sad bout Kristy and I'm sad u never sms me even since yest morning.. I know u're tired and u're prolly busy as well but... Dunno. Just wanna sa jiao. Cos u said when i get trained u'll change flt and help me along rite??? Booooooooooooooo.. Yeahyeah i know u can't help it.
Been waiting for ur call/sms the whole day. =0( Gotta wake up in 6 hrs. I better go sleep now or u'll scold me again. =0( Night baby...
Vulnerability of Life
I don't think i've ever mentioned Kristy in this blog. She's my best buddy from Silkair. As in my best friend not flying buddy. U know what i mean. She's the nicest, friendliest, always cheerful, always-putting-you-first kinda gal. It's really MY fortune to have known her really.
She's been through so much with me. All the nonsense bout and from Chris, Colin and she was so happy bout Shyan. All the late night crying and consoling. All the self-declared-off-days-while-on-standby.. She was deeply disappointed with me regarding Chris and the things i did to myself. But i know she still cares a lot.
And i never had the chance to be the kinda friend she was to me, to her. And i will never get the chance to. Simply becos she's too nice to let me. Her dad's been terminally ill for sometime and it's taking a strain on her. Now.. i had to find out through friendster that she lost her baby. Since when was she pregnant?? I feel so awful. What kinda friend am i??
I did try to keep in contact. It was difficult especially after i went to dubai we sorta drifted. When i came back she was getting married. Felt a bit distant ever since then but she has a new life now. Sigh... I really hope and pray that she'll be okie soon. Well i know it takes time and you'll never really be okie but u know what i mean.
Anyway i dunno what's going on now. How many months etc. How's her dad. I did send her msgs so i guess have to wait for her reply. Sister I just wanna tell u that i love u a lot okie? Anything that i can do for you... Anything at all.. i would.
Baby i'm so sad right now. Can't even imagine her pain. And i can't help but have this sinking feeling that... it's never even gonna happen to me. Simply cos... we won't. ='(
She's been through so much with me. All the nonsense bout and from Chris, Colin and she was so happy bout Shyan. All the late night crying and consoling. All the self-declared-off-days-while-on-standby.. She was deeply disappointed with me regarding Chris and the things i did to myself. But i know she still cares a lot.
And i never had the chance to be the kinda friend she was to me, to her. And i will never get the chance to. Simply becos she's too nice to let me. Her dad's been terminally ill for sometime and it's taking a strain on her. Now.. i had to find out through friendster that she lost her baby. Since when was she pregnant?? I feel so awful. What kinda friend am i??
I did try to keep in contact. It was difficult especially after i went to dubai we sorta drifted. When i came back she was getting married. Felt a bit distant ever since then but she has a new life now. Sigh... I really hope and pray that she'll be okie soon. Well i know it takes time and you'll never really be okie but u know what i mean.
Anyway i dunno what's going on now. How many months etc. How's her dad. I did send her msgs so i guess have to wait for her reply. Sister I just wanna tell u that i love u a lot okie? Anything that i can do for you... Anything at all.. i would.
Baby i'm so sad right now. Can't even imagine her pain. And i can't help but have this sinking feeling that... it's never even gonna happen to me. Simply cos... we won't. ='(
Depressing
Well it all started with meeting the gang on Friday night. I met up with SHyan and he kinda half-cajoled half-forced me to go have dinner with them too. Them comprising of Karine, Angel, Lionel, Melissa, Nigel, Pika. Only 1 word to describe... AWKWARD.
I'm the most surprised and disappointed with Angel's reaction. She totally didn't look at me throughtout the night. And only Lionel, Mel and Nigel actually talked to me. Well Karine did too actually. Maybe i should be lucky Callie's not there. Well if she were i wouldn't have gone in the 1st place! All in all.. I can only say i tried. My best. I'm washing my hands off them and frankly... after so long.. i don't feel much of a loss anymore.
Next blessing-in-disguise thing. Well since i'm the most junior non-probationary crew, I was super slack for the cgk n/s. Until IFS gave choice of work position and I was left with no choice. Hence my 1st jcl solo began. Chief was nice... as long as the rest of the crew. Okie i wasn't very blur but then again it's cgk. Easy peasy. J4 up, J3 back. Guess i'm lucky... 308 tmrw. I hope my luck runs till then.
And then... when i was in cgk, i got a couple of... @$!^&%#(*)*^%$&#@ smses from HxxxxxN. Go figure...
Him: Hi Irene... HxxxxxN here. I changed my no... But I miss u...
Me: =) I noe u're doing fine and that's good enough for me.
Him: I only wanted to say that I was only kidding when i said i missed you haha because i realised that i could have lost karen over you. And i would have been the big joke. I'm so glad that i'm out of it. Good luck and goodbye.
Me: Hmmm well that was unnecessary. Since i assume you changed your no to get me out of ur life. Nevertheless i'm glad you made the right choice. U take care.
*And then i fell asleep. I only realised he still replied the next morning*
Him: Yeah. But i felt the strong need to tell you that's all. And this isn't even my number. Bye.
I didn't know whether to laugh or what. Just shook my head. I mean.. what's up man. Okie well if you somehow have my blog address and you're reading this, lemme say this once and for all. From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad that u feel u've made the right choice. We prolly wouldn't have been good together anyway. I don't have ur number in my phone. I deleted it long ago and frankly don't remember it anymore. I've moved on and so have you. If at some point in time you still feel the strong urge to humiliate/ridicule me then i'd feel sad for you. Obviously it's bugging you more than it bugs me. I know that Karen has been spreading things about me and i'm very proud to let u know that i haven't. I could have said nasty things too but well what's the point. I'm not being noble here, just practical. Don't see what good it'll do me nor you or her. If you don't believe me i'm cool with it too. Cos I know and God knows i'm telling the truth. I still visit her blog sometimes and i'm glad you guys are happy and working things out. It takes losing something to make you treasure it i guess. Nevertheless i still choose to believe maybe you're drunk when u sent those msgs or it wasn't u or sthg like that. I will only remember the good and not the bad. So chill okie? =)
Regardless... life still goes on. Signed another facial package today wahaha. Big big big hole in pocket. And i went for tea with Mommy. I miss my baby but I know it's sunday so... and u're most prolly very tired. So am not gonna disturb ya so u have a good rest yeah. =)
And I love the new song I posted. =)
I'm the most surprised and disappointed with Angel's reaction. She totally didn't look at me throughtout the night. And only Lionel, Mel and Nigel actually talked to me. Well Karine did too actually. Maybe i should be lucky Callie's not there. Well if she were i wouldn't have gone in the 1st place! All in all.. I can only say i tried. My best. I'm washing my hands off them and frankly... after so long.. i don't feel much of a loss anymore.
Next blessing-in-disguise thing. Well since i'm the most junior non-probationary crew, I was super slack for the cgk n/s. Until IFS gave choice of work position and I was left with no choice. Hence my 1st jcl solo began. Chief was nice... as long as the rest of the crew. Okie i wasn't very blur but then again it's cgk. Easy peasy. J4 up, J3 back. Guess i'm lucky... 308 tmrw. I hope my luck runs till then.
And then... when i was in cgk, i got a couple of... @$!^&%#(*)*^%$&#@ smses from HxxxxxN. Go figure...
Him: Hi Irene... HxxxxxN here. I changed my no... But I miss u...
Me: =) I noe u're doing fine and that's good enough for me.
Him: I only wanted to say that I was only kidding when i said i missed you haha because i realised that i could have lost karen over you. And i would have been the big joke. I'm so glad that i'm out of it. Good luck and goodbye.
Me: Hmmm well that was unnecessary. Since i assume you changed your no to get me out of ur life. Nevertheless i'm glad you made the right choice. U take care.
*And then i fell asleep. I only realised he still replied the next morning*
Him: Yeah. But i felt the strong need to tell you that's all. And this isn't even my number. Bye.
I didn't know whether to laugh or what. Just shook my head. I mean.. what's up man. Okie well if you somehow have my blog address and you're reading this, lemme say this once and for all. From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad that u feel u've made the right choice. We prolly wouldn't have been good together anyway. I don't have ur number in my phone. I deleted it long ago and frankly don't remember it anymore. I've moved on and so have you. If at some point in time you still feel the strong urge to humiliate/ridicule me then i'd feel sad for you. Obviously it's bugging you more than it bugs me. I know that Karen has been spreading things about me and i'm very proud to let u know that i haven't. I could have said nasty things too but well what's the point. I'm not being noble here, just practical. Don't see what good it'll do me nor you or her. If you don't believe me i'm cool with it too. Cos I know and God knows i'm telling the truth. I still visit her blog sometimes and i'm glad you guys are happy and working things out. It takes losing something to make you treasure it i guess. Nevertheless i still choose to believe maybe you're drunk when u sent those msgs or it wasn't u or sthg like that. I will only remember the good and not the bad. So chill okie? =)
Regardless... life still goes on. Signed another facial package today wahaha. Big big big hole in pocket. And i went for tea with Mommy. I miss my baby but I know it's sunday so... and u're most prolly very tired. So am not gonna disturb ya so u have a good rest yeah. =)
And I love the new song I posted. =)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
对的人
你问在我心中 是否还苦恼
那次受伤 否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照 我一切都好
一个人 不算困扰
爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼
爱要耐心等待
仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手
等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上
一定会遇到
对的人出现
(在眼角)
那次流过的泪 让我学习到
如何祝福 如何转身 不要
在眼泪体会到 与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要 是一种对照
能愿意为了一份爱 付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候 我就算已经准备好
放手去爱 海阔天高
喔... 耶...
那次受伤 否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照 我一切都好
一个人 不算困扰
爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼
爱要耐心等待
仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手
等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上
一定会遇到
对的人出现
(在眼角)
那次流过的泪 让我学习到
如何祝福 如何转身 不要
在眼泪体会到 与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要 是一种对照
能愿意为了一份爱 付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候 我就算已经准备好
放手去爱 海阔天高
喔... 耶...
Frustrated
I'm so mad.
Why do you always ask me to decide then be unhappy bout my decision? Then why don't YOU decide in the first place?? And then after that you keep saying i get angry easily.. What did u do wrong again..
I'm so pissed i feel like screaming! Last week was also like that. I know u have your considerations and limitations. But i'm already accomodating you as much as I can. What else do you want??
Am gonna pour away the soup.
Edited to add: Why is it when i'm angry everytime u're angrier than me... =0(
I never asked u to go party or play mj with me. U're the one who suggested it. So now why do i get blamed that u're making an effort and i'm still unhappy? I've already told u yest i think u'll be tired.. I asked if u wanna rest at home. U think i don't wanna meet u? Of cos i do! But if it means depriving u of rest then i'll feel bad.
Since u suggested mj or party then of cos I'd think it's manageable for u. Of cos I know u're making an effort. But we oth put in effort for each other. So now we're gonna start counting how many times each?
U always feel i get angry easily. Don't I have a reason to? Then how bout yourself? U always complain it's difficult to make me happy. I can be happy without you too. It's just another kind of happiness.
Why do you always ask me to decide then be unhappy bout my decision? Then why don't YOU decide in the first place?? And then after that you keep saying i get angry easily.. What did u do wrong again..
I'm so pissed i feel like screaming! Last week was also like that. I know u have your considerations and limitations. But i'm already accomodating you as much as I can. What else do you want??
Am gonna pour away the soup.
Edited to add: Why is it when i'm angry everytime u're angrier than me... =0(
I never asked u to go party or play mj with me. U're the one who suggested it. So now why do i get blamed that u're making an effort and i'm still unhappy? I've already told u yest i think u'll be tired.. I asked if u wanna rest at home. U think i don't wanna meet u? Of cos i do! But if it means depriving u of rest then i'll feel bad.
Since u suggested mj or party then of cos I'd think it's manageable for u. Of cos I know u're making an effort. But we oth put in effort for each other. So now we're gonna start counting how many times each?
U always feel i get angry easily. Don't I have a reason to? Then how bout yourself? U always complain it's difficult to make me happy. I can be happy without you too. It's just another kind of happiness.
Long Rest
Planning's been really nice to me lately. After my SNY i had 4 days off and then i did that extremely-tiring-but-luckily-no-biggie akl and I had 4 days off again. After my 308 i'm on leave so yippeee!
And since i have so much time on my hands, i got tired of watching Chao Ji Xin Guang Da Dao 3, i've been playing mj and drinking too much. I decided to cook for my poor baby who's currently protecting our nation and me. Wahahaha... I went to NTUC just now and bought stuff for watercress soup. I hope it turns out well.
Okie i must rant bout this. Every single time when i'm super duper unglam, I will run into someone. Definitely. This time i ran into my JC99 wet run trainer, whom i did sq2 with also. And he recognises me. Embarrassing.
Oh no it's raining heavily suddenly.. Baby's doing IPPT. Hope he's okie..
And since i have so much time on my hands, i got tired of watching Chao Ji Xin Guang Da Dao 3, i've been playing mj and drinking too much. I decided to cook for my poor baby who's currently protecting our nation and me. Wahahaha... I went to NTUC just now and bought stuff for watercress soup. I hope it turns out well.
Okie i must rant bout this. Every single time when i'm super duper unglam, I will run into someone. Definitely. This time i ran into my JC99 wet run trainer, whom i did sq2 with also. And he recognises me. Embarrassing.
Oh no it's raining heavily suddenly.. Baby's doing IPPT. Hope he's okie..
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
代言人
綠茶找誰證明好味道
新手機找誰證明時髦
我難道要找愛情證明
我會笑
給自己做個廣告
看自己能多好
讓世界都知道
煩惱比他少
過得比他好
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
就算推銷天荒和地老
更愛給途人目光擁抱
我不如找面鏡子證明我驕傲
給自己做個廣告
看自己有多好
讓世界都知道
活得比他好
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
所有男生和女生
趁單身享受單身
到戀愛再去兩個人
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
新手機找誰證明時髦
我難道要找愛情證明
我會笑
給自己做個廣告
看自己能多好
讓世界都知道
煩惱比他少
過得比他好
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
就算推銷天荒和地老
更愛給途人目光擁抱
我不如找面鏡子證明我驕傲
給自己做個廣告
看自己有多好
讓世界都知道
活得比他好
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
所有男生和女生
趁單身享受單身
到戀愛再去兩個人
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
生活多迷人
來做代言人
沒有約會
一樣可能
愛一個人
有時比不上我一個人
慣了做他的人
有點悶
為今天多輕省
來做代言人
穿得摩登
整個城市找我證明
多豐盛
我愛上自己的靈魂
Friday, August 1, 2008
Chalet
Well Changi Village ran out of rooms and cos I didn't book as we weren't sure what we were gonna do... We ended up at Downtown East! It's been ages since I went for a chalet! Ever since before Uni i guess. Cos well in Uni we were like at chalet everyday anyway haha.
So.. we checked in and nua-ed for a bit. I wanted to go catch a show and baby was really nice cos he kept wanting to go check the times but.. we were hungry! So baby brought me to this yummy crab beehoon place. It was nice.. gonna bring my family maybe next week.
Then we went bavk to walk around a bit. Movies were packed so we ended up... in the arcade! Wahahaha it was so much fun! We played this ball-throwing machine till both our arms ache. It was aching so badly when I was brushing my teeth that I had to prop my elbow on the sink and baby was laughing at me! It's still aching now =p
Anyway we spent a good 2 hrs there! We played this Japanese drum thingy that Jo and I used to play at Suntec. It's like u have to keep to the beat kinda thing. They have chinese songs too! That must have been the new version. We drummed really hard but sometimes it gets passed over. Bahhhh!
It was really noisy at night though. With the teens running around. Baby couldn't get much sleep. So poor thing... Well he was LAUGHING in his dreams so i guess he must have been happy. I was! I enjoyed myself a lot. Pity... no pics. =0( I don't think that's allowed =p
I love you baby =0)
So.. we checked in and nua-ed for a bit. I wanted to go catch a show and baby was really nice cos he kept wanting to go check the times but.. we were hungry! So baby brought me to this yummy crab beehoon place. It was nice.. gonna bring my family maybe next week.
Then we went bavk to walk around a bit. Movies were packed so we ended up... in the arcade! Wahahaha it was so much fun! We played this ball-throwing machine till both our arms ache. It was aching so badly when I was brushing my teeth that I had to prop my elbow on the sink and baby was laughing at me! It's still aching now =p
Anyway we spent a good 2 hrs there! We played this Japanese drum thingy that Jo and I used to play at Suntec. It's like u have to keep to the beat kinda thing. They have chinese songs too! That must have been the new version. We drummed really hard but sometimes it gets passed over. Bahhhh!
It was really noisy at night though. With the teens running around. Baby couldn't get much sleep. So poor thing... Well he was LAUGHING in his dreams so i guess he must have been happy. I was! I enjoyed myself a lot. Pity... no pics. =0( I don't think that's allowed =p
I love you baby =0)
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