Humdrum..

Haven't posted for a while.. Well cos basically my life's all bout work, drinking, mahjong and more work, even more alcohol and mahjong.

I have tons of pics i don't rem taking in my phone. Guess i really put my Omnia to good use haha. Every morning i wake up i have to look at pics and my smses to recollect what happened. So yeah my new phone is really worth it. =p

I keep saying am not gonna drink anymore, am not gonna go down anymore, am not gonna entertain those pple anymore. But i end up doing all of the above and more anyway. Sick of it... Sick of those pple. EVeryone there's so fakey and complicated and abandon-e-old-for-e-new. I'm old news. Pple are used to seeing me there. Pple wanna know my gfs instead.

That's good.. Just leave me alone. I think i'm screwed there anyway. Reaching the limit... No more drinking and going down... Soon.

If i ever get so bored i might just post up the pics hahaha. Now.. onto my ever gripping problem. The love of my life...

Tried super duper fuper hard to change flights but.. the last resort would be dxb-dme. But u noe i have a prob with dxb.. Sigh.. I thought about it. At some point in time i prolly have to face it. Especially if i wanna stay long. So.. at least he'll be there with me if anything happens.. right?

But the logical part of me feel like slapping myself cos nobody's worth that risk. Right? Sigh i dunno.. I told Baby the other day that the whole SAT thingy made me realise how.. little general knowledge pple around me hold. And my previous whinings about having wasted time changing airlines etc has given me a new perspective on things.

With the economic downturn, it's a blessing in disguise that my contract is not up for renewal next year. WHich would have been if i'd kept my s/n. Dxb opened up my eyes and mind to a lot of things. I really feel exposed. The humdrum and repetitive nature of my job and life has clouded that advantage. So much so that I thought I lost that edge. But... yes knowing that Paris has 2 airports and knowing the names of the airport does not make me a better person than you or the next Jane. But it makes me feel better about myself.

I AM NOT A BIMBO. You're just not privy to seeing how brilliant i am. ;)

These couple of days I marvelled at how much I've changed over these 3 years. And I'm not at all happy about it. Looking at old photos.. of my own and friends, I realised that I lost that confident and easy going nature. I worry a lot nowadays. I whine a lot but I don't do anything about it. Basically I'm stuck.. in a rut i created for myself. I've made myself powerless and aimless.

It struck me yesterday when Waves was down when I wanted to CICO. I just sat there and stared and waited. I could see pple all around me craning their necks to see if others are having the same problem. SO i just sat there. And waited and waited. And i realise that this is wat my life has been about for the last couple of years. Waiting.

Waiting for someone, waiting for something. The kind of passive-ness that I never used to have.. My life WAS always filled with programmes and activities. Always sthg to be done, pple to meet, classes to attend, appointments to go for. All.. while earning half of what i'm bringing back now. But yet i'm more broke than ever today.

I've made too many excuses for myself. And i simply lack the self-discipline and motivation to follow through nowadays. If i were doing sales/marketing/insurance like my gfs i would have died. I know my problem but i don't seem to be solving it. These few days i keep telling myself. Zuo hui zi ji. Get my life back in order and back on track.

How?