What's Left...

Last night i realised that... Ever since he broke the news to me and i cried before the BKK, i never did cry bout it again.

Aiai invited me prawning with Janson and i brought chris along too. As usual chris started his nonsense but well i never stopped thinking bout him or it. I kept looking at the clock.

Towards the end of his dinner.. I told Dwayne i'm not gonna talk bout him anymore, that i'll try my best. But past midnight.. I dunno why i started crying. Maybe finally the reality of it all set in. Or maybe the secret hope that I'd been cherishing.. that he'd sms me.. even a couple of words... that hope vanished.

I know it's crazy to even think about it. Cos it'll be a busy day and well.. i think it'll be quite disrespectful to his wife but.. I dunno.. I keep telling myself he's busy and he'll be tired. But i can't shake off the feeling that... end of the day it's just how much u want to.

Like how easy it is to send an sms in the bus before nodding off to sleep.. How easy it is to sms in between sleeping periods.. It's just a matter of how much effort u wanna put in. Isn't it?

Anyway they're off now.. I wanted to check out their studio photos.. but i realised that he's restricted his friendster and facebook to friends only. And so has she. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe after this all these emotions and feelings won't be that raw anymore. Maybe i'll start to give up.

I started packing my room. Just clearing out the stuff from my table fills up half a huge trash bag. I think this project would be on-going for sometime. And hopefully it takes my mind off things. But the budget at 5000 is a little high isn't it.. Sigh we'll see.

I'll try my hardest not to talk bout him again to anyone. I'll try.