Musings

Was telling grace today.. U know how as humans sometimes we really wanna know something. But when that something turns out to be negative or what we wouldn't have liked to hear or it doesn't conform with what we think then we'd rather not hear it?

And how sometimes we think we wanna know but when we do we'd rather not know? Or how we'd go all out to get something we really want.. or THINK we really want but when we get it then the feeling changes? Is it just the joy of the pursuit? Or that we beautify it so much in our quest for it thus egging our desire but in actual fact it might not be what we want/need/imagine it to be?

Everyone keeps saying my late nights sparked my allergy. Maybe you're right but well all i know is that it has never happened before. Even when i was doing a lot of late nights partying during our first year. Maybe it's age maybe it's something i ate or inhaled or whatever. But yeah we all jump to conclusions. He said it's alcohol poisoning. Maybe you're right, maybe you're not. But the important thing is.. that's not what i want to hear!

When will we all ever learn to be sympathetic and supportive without being judgemental? Why do we as humans or maybe just Sporeans have to pinpoint something or someone to take the blame? Why can't we just accept that it happened and try to remedy the situation? Yes i'm not saying we don't have to find out the cause but why all the accusations? The doctor said it's probably due to my immune system being too strong thus the reaction (rashes). Over some time as our system weakens the flare-ups will reduce too.

And by the way.. who in the world wouldn't wanna sleep if he/she can? Certainly not me! And i keep telling you i can't! Why wouldn't you listen? It's not as if i haven't tried staying home and counting sheeps and drinking milk and taking melatonin and all that nonsense. I just can't. And i get super frustrated TRYING to sleep when i can't. I sleep very well out-station though and i'm trying to get more sleep nowadays instead of waking up and going to lunch or dinner with the crew if i can help it.

I know you're gonna tell me i should exercise more etc again. Who with? I don't like to go gym and i hate running. You should know that. Sigh whatever. It's come to a point whereby i dunno what to say to you. All you ever tell me is sleep more, don't go out till so late, don't party so much, don't drink too much. And it becomes like a looping tape. I know you're concerned. But yup.. that's pretty much all you can be.

Today after lunch i was craving for dessert esp cake. So i bought Beard Papa (i rediscovered my love for BP cream puffs in BNE!) and Grace wanted to buy too cos they looked so yummy. Then i proceeded to Rive Gauche cakes and i wanted to try the Guanaja. It looked so good that Grace was tempted to. In fact i think all Rive Gauche cakes looked good and i didn't know what to have. Was contemplating buying an assortment home for my family too.

Then my phone rang. I didnt know what to say. I wanted to go pick him up from the airport. I even planned to do so. Then.. i realised it's bout usually the time she gets off so... Wouldn't make sense for me to go. So we planned to go home sleep, which was unusual for me but it was cos the medication made me really drowsy. Anyway we talked for a bit then while i was on the phone I asked Grace to get our Orange julius and go.

When i got off the phone she immediately said that I'm unhappy. So much so that i forgot bout my cakes. Then i realised.. yeah. I actually left w/o getting any. And now my Beard Papa is still sitting in the fridge. No mood anymore.

Searching for my foundation course notes now. Only found 2 out of the 4 sets we're supposed to bring. I dunno whether to bring not. =p He's my ward leader so have to give him some face. But it's so heavy!! And too big to stash into my bag. Sigh.. how...

I shall eat my dessert and pack my bag a little and take the meds hopefully it'll make me sleep.