Hard At Work

Been working non-stop lately. Well partly in an effort to curb my spending spree and also well.. to avoid staying in Spore and feeling lonely and doing stoopid things. But then again, i realise i do stoppid things out-station anyway!

I always tend to sleep better out-station. I don't know why though. Maybe it's the comfy sheets and pillows. Maybe it's the whole away from home and worries feeling. But i still can't shake off the loneliness.

This last NRT-LAX i met another player again. Yeah like wat's new right. But this one really knocked my socks off. With his boldness! He like touched every single one of us everywhere! He even took my pen from you-know-where-we-stick-it himself! Okie he's a LS and he's housemates with the IFS but still...

But i noticed that he didn't do anything much in front of the IFS. Anyway the IFS has a 24 yr old fss girlfriend! Can u imagine... Anyway yeah i did stoopid things again. The fss that wanted me to top 600 bucks.. in the end we ended up being real chummy. Everyone said we couple-code wahaha.

Moral of the story: I attract all the wrong people. I act stoopid when i'm lonely. I do crazy things when i'm high. Enough said.

I still read her blog from time to time. Lotsa pics as usual and funnily.. i think it's boring. The blog i mean. It's just pictures and pictures of her in every position imaginable. Well not really cos it looks like she only takes pictures one-directional. When i see pics of him i don't feel anything anymore. Which is good i guess. No bitterness, no nothing. Which means not even the happy memories. Cos i'm starting to question the reality of it all.

Anyway the LS was telling me bout his divorce, bout loving and being rejected, bout not opening his heart up anymore. He sounded a lot like the old Chris. And i wonder how much of it is real. The old Irene would have lapped it up. WOuld have wanted to help him believe in love. But the Irene now cannot even help herself.

I've had enough of shoppng, enough of spending, enough of sleeping, of caring, of listening, of waiting, enough of whining, of everything. I feel so lousy. I wanna settle down but i know i'm restless. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore.

So will all of you stop hurting me?